Category: Diary

I’ve just earned my last 16 hours of pay staring at naked breasts. Being a card carrying red blooded heterosexual male I never thought I’d say this but I’ve had enough and I never want to hear the word ‘nipple’ again.

No I’ve not become a reviewer of porn films, my latest project has nothing to do with web sites – I’m digitising all of a maternity department’s educational videos. Instead of the current method of putting a video in whenever a nurse gets a chance and then running around to tell all the patients I’m hooking up a PC to the television network and the videos will screen at scheduled times around the clock.

The tech side is lotsa fun but I know a hell of a lot more about breast feeding and nipple soreness than any man should.

The signs of weakness were there. A few weeks ago a sign appeared sticky-taped to the old refrigerated display cabinet in our local bakery :

Due to drought [fair enough] and water restrictions [!] we raise our prices on bread rolls 5 cents.

Then, while on holidays, we purchased two vanilla slices but they were rock hard and odd tasting so Rae decided to take them back. Apparently there was much consternation on behalf of the two ladies behind the counter; it seems that to return a vanilla slice in Vietnamese culture is equivalent in western culture to loudly questioning someones parents marital status at their time of conception whilst in a church . Then again maybe it’s worse because the next day there was a ‘for sale’ sign in the window and they’ve been shut every couple of days since.

Time : Last Night
Place : Bed

Scene : Tony is lying in bed, Rae is fast asleep. Suddenly Rae speaks.

Rae : “Have you made up your mind?”
Tony : “About what?”
R “The colour.”
T “What colour?”
R “Pink or white.”
T “Ah, white.”
R “That’s good.”

Pause.

T “The colour for what?”
R “The elephant. We can only fit one in the house.”

Pause.

T “What about Thomas.”
R “He’s a clever cat. He can cope.”

Pause

R “We need him to catch the mice.” (The mice we’ve never seen)
T “What’s the elephant’s name?”
R “I don’t know.”

Two minute pause.

R “Gerald. We will call him Gerald”

Work has just lost all power. It’s a fairly large deal for such a big hospital but we have so many systems in place to cater for this sort of emergency that when it happens (about once every two years) everything runs smoothly.

The unlucky part? Well there are two tiny sections of this place fed off a different sub station to the one in Hawthorn that’s fallen over and I’m ‘lucky’ enough to be able to continue working. Ain’t life grand?

It’s the last weekend of my Christmas break, this time tomorrow I’ll be back in the dungeon paying for my crimes. So, how do you see out a good holiday weekend?

Start with a movie. Just you, your gal and a thousand or so other people stretched out under the stars, sipping a good bottle of red, enjoying a picnic and watching Amelie on a huge screen in Melbourne’s beautiful Royal Botanic Gardens. Just a hint – book your tickets early. The line to purchase tickets was over 500 metres. Also, bring a doona, pillows or bean bags as it’s rough on your arms without them, and don’t plan on catching the train home – the movie will finish later than you think.

The next morning (after carefully arranging your child to be kidnapped by a convenient grandmother) have breakfast in Yarraville before heading in to the city to have a browse through the Immigration Museum. While looking through the ‘Journey‘ section I met a woman who explained how her she had once sailed in just such a ship. She went on to explain that her Grandfather had immigrated to Australia and his work, he was a glass painter, was now on the national register. Her other grand father had been born in India in 1798, travelled back to England and then settled in Australia. It’s hard to imagine the amount of time he would’ve spent travelling and the sights he would have seen.

After all of this go to Vinegar Strokes for lunch. Such a stupid name but a great place. Plonk yourself down in a chair, Gary will be over before too long to see what you want. If it’s not on the menu, just ask and they’ll make you pretty much whatever you feel like. The burgers are to die for (egg perfect, bacon just right and big patties) and coffee is getting consistently good. I’ve only ever had two places I liked and felt as much at home in as this place – the long lost and much missed Hombre Caf? and Caf? Vamp. Strokes, though, may yet come to be number one.

Now it’s time to lay back, watch England win their first test for the summer and try not to think of the alarm going off tomorrow morning. Now, where’d I put that beer?

2003 is 9 hours and 43 minutes old.

So far so good.

Happy New Year.

Yes! My Tiger’s membership card arrived today. 17 games, all home games with reserved seats. Rob already has his so it’s all systems go for 2003. Only two months until the preseason competition but that won’t pass with any where near enough speed.

Go Tiges!

We have exactly the same outdoor setting as Kath and Kim. How effluent we must be.